DROPPING STEEL

I went over to see Sgt. Cryder. He was a bundle of nerves. He just couldn't accept what had happened. He was blaming himself for what happened. I told him that putting the blame on himself wasn't going to help any, that it wasn't his fault.

"I should have been with them, he said. Then they'd never have gotten lost out there."

"You can't know that for sure," I told him. "Look, it's done. Nothing you can do or say will bring them back."

"You're right. But it'll be a long time before I get over it. A long time."

"You'll probably never get over it."

"You going out on patrol tonight?" he asked.

"Yea, we've got the patrol tonight. Same place from what I was told."

"You mean they're sending you guys out in the same area? After what just happened? Friggen idiots. The CO is a friggen idiot!"

"Yea, that's what I think. But I have to do it, whether I like it or not."

"I'm going out with you tonight," he said.

"Oh no you're not. You're going home tomorrow. I'll be damned if I'll have you on my conscience if something happened to you with one day left."

"You owe me, Shaf."

"I don't owe you shit. Just get on that chopper in the morning and go on home. That's all I owe you. It's good advice. Besides, I don't want anyone out there that don't have his head on straight. And you, Sgt. Cryder, are not friggen normal."

"You should say? You call this normal? This whole damn war is abnormal, if you ask me."

"You're right about that. I couldn't agree more. Look, why don't you go out tonight with the re-supply chopper? There's no need for you to be here," I told him. "Why wait till morning?"

"Because I can't leave until this is over with. I'll say goodbye to you in the morning when you come back in from patrol. Then I'll leave," he said.

"Okay," I said. "I'll see you in the morning."

"You bet. Be careful out there."

"I will. Good night, Cryder."

"See ya."

I walked back over to the CP to get the operations order for tonight's patrol. It was a pressure cooker of nerves in there. I could tell their nerves were on edge. I was a bundle of it myself. If I could be anywhere else in the world and get my wish at that moment, I'd take it in a minute, without hesitation. I would not like to be in this kind of spot again. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I knew I had a job to do. I was going to keep my head straight for this patrol, even if it killed me.

The platoon members who were going out with me were all volunteers. I picked seven to go with me. I gave the patrol the operation order, just as I received it. I didn't want them to think I was holding out on them. We were ready to go. The CO finished the def-cons. He's improving on that I told myself. It was dusk. I gave the order to move.

"Johnson!"

"Yea, Sarge?"

"Take the point!"

"Yes, Sergeant."

Johnson took the patrol lead. I couldn't have picked a better lead. Our patrol objective was to try to locate the whereabouts of a bunker complex. The CP was notified of a bunker being seen from the air when the re-supply chopper came in. We thought the complex had something to do with the VC activity from this morning's ambush. We were being sent out in the hope of finding it.

I had the approximate coordinates on the map. If we could locate it, we'd have it pinpointed for possible artillery. We followed our operations order to the letter. We went out with a plan. The plan was working - so far.

The night sky was overcast with a brisk wind blowing. The jungle brush was thick. It made movement, especially silent movement, almost impossible. It took at least 40 minutes of travel before we reached a suitable spot to take a break. We weren't trying to break any records getting to our destination.

After a short stop we started moving again. We had gone a short distance when Johnson stopped. I went up to check out things with him.

"What's up?" I whispered.

"I hear something," he said.

I bent my ear toward the night air. I tried listening for a sound. All I heard was the wind blowing.

"Move toward the sound you hear, but move very slowly. When you hear it again, stop."

"Right Sarge."

We moved slowly toward the direction of the sound Johnson had heard. We went up about 50 feet and then stopped again. I went forward toward Johnson. Again I bent my ear trying to pick up the sound. Then I heard it. People were talking. Sounded like Vietnamese but we couldn't be sure. Should we try to get closer or wait it out here? I thought if we got closer it might give away our position. I sure didn't want that to happen. I decided to position the patrol into ambush formation, just in case they came to us. Then we waited to see what would happen next. Occasionally the voices would pick up in tempo and we could hear a lot clearer. I suggested to myself that what we had discovered was the bunker complex we were hunting. But I needed to be sure. One person had to go forward alone to check it out. That person, I decided, would be me. I told my men that when I came back I would tap my rifle stock two times so they'd know it was me coming in.

Out I went. I moved forward toward the voices. They got louder. Then I changed my crouched position to a crawling one. I inched my way toward the sounds. Every time I moved I heard my knees crackling the brush and tree twigs. It sounded like a bass drum in my ears. I tried counting my steps and movements. Finally, I realized I couldn't move any farther for fear of detection. I could now pick out the sounds as those of Vietnamese voices. I couldn't make out whether they were in a bunker or not. But I had a good idea they were. I returned to the patrol, tapping my rifle stock twice, and moved through the brush to where my men were waiting. I decided on my way back what I was going to do. I told Sawyer what I found. "I'm going to call artillery in on their ass," I told him.

"What? Are you nuts? You want to kill us all? That SOB can't hit the broad side of a barn. You said so yourself."

"I know what I said. But I don't have any other choice. We can't get to them without making noise. The element of surprise would be lost. The chances of them coming to us doesn't look promising. The only thing I can see is dropping steel on their ass."

"Look," he said frantically, "let's think this over a little. I don't like it. Let's wait and see if they'll come to us first."

"Okay Sawyer, we'll play it your way first. But just as soon as your ass smells a fart, I'm dropping the steel on them at 0400 hours."

"Fine, then we'll wait."

"Get your men ready for an ambush. I'll tell base camp what's going down."

"Right, no problem."

We sat in ambush, wide alert. No one wanted to take a nap. It was going on midnight. The more I thought about it, the more I disliked the idea of waiting. I wanted to kick their ass all over this jungle. About 0200 the voices stopped. I told Sawyer I thought they might be pulling out. He suggested that it was because they went to sleep. I agreed reluctantly. O-four hundred hours came and nothing changed.

"They aren't going to come to us. They're sleeping," I told Sawyer. "Let's do it while they're taking their nap."

"Let's wait until just before dawn. That way if the artillery falls short on us, we'll be able to make a break for it."

"Okay," I agreed. "Seems sensible to me. But just as soon as I see a flicker of light come through those friggen trees, the shit is gonna hit the fan. Right?"

"Right Sarge, no problem."

"Yea, right, you keep saying that; no problem."

Sawyer didn't trust the use of artillery. Especially when you have an idiot calling the shots. I told him that I'd be calling the coordinates into them. He couldn't screw that up. He still didn't believe me. Finally, I decided it was time. I called the CO and told him that I wanted a barrage fired on coordinates 2477-6315. I wanted all the guns firing at once - no let up. Let the chips fall where they may. I'd let him know when to cease-fire. He agreed. The barrage would commence at 0515 hours. It was now 0500 hours. We had to wait till all was ready. I told my men, that if they wanted to pray now was the time. I looked over at Sawyer. He was on his knees.

We first heard the whistle then came the explosion. WHAM! Then all hell exploded at once. The explosions were deafening. They were right on the money. Finally it started sounding good. I wanted to yell out. But I didn't. All I could think of was; "die, die you SOB." I just let them go. "Pour it on!" I yelled.

Suddenly one of the rounds fell short and to our right. It was out of range. I told them to cease-fire. The firing stopped about 30 seconds later. There was smoke everywhere. The smell of burnt powder was nauseating. I told my men to get ready to move. I wanted to get the hell out of there. I'd had enough. The smell of death was everywhere in that jungle, and I wanted out of there.

When we pulled out we broke all the rules of what we knew about patrolling. We ran out of there the first 100 meters. We were excited and wanted to get back.  Just then I realized, what the hell were we doing? Were we going to make the same mistake as the previous patrol? I held everyone up. I told them to conduct themselves accordingly - don't push it. It just made good sense not to.

I sent Johnson back out on point.

"Let's get this show on the road," I said.

Finally we reached our perimeter and called in. Everybody was relieved; I was exhilarated. I was also hungry.

Just as we walked into the clearing I heard a helicopter in the distance. It was a Chinook cargo helicopter coming in to pick up equipment. Looked like we'd be closing down this fort.

After the Chinook was loaded the blades started churning and the rear ramp was slowly closing. When I looked in I saw Cryder on the ramp. He was waving at me with a big smile on his face. When I waved back, he yelled out something that was drowned out from the chopper noise. But I read his lips: "Screw you Shaffer!" I yelled back at him something that any lip reader could make out: "Kiss my ass." His smile became wider and then the door closed. He was going home - finally.

Our Battalion was given orders to sweep the area that had been giving us trouble. We started clearing the jungle at 0830. The sweep lasted well into early afternoon. We located the bunker complex, right where we thought it would be. It was used as a VC headquarters and underground hospital. It had been evacuated before we arrived. When we called the artillery barrage on the structure, a portion of the north wall received a direct hit. Artillery craters were all over the area. We didn't find any of the enemy. We did find blood trails into the jungle. We followed them out. Then we hit the jackpot! A shallow grave had been dug. Charlie had tried to pull off a "Houdini." But there was too much blood to hide everything. I heard that a detail uncovered 11 bodies from the grave. There were probably more but they were never found. The area was checked but we didn't find anything. We were done as far as this operation was concerned. They gave us the word around 1500 hours. The choppers had been sent out to pick us up. We were heading back to Cu Chi. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving. We were looking forward to a good hot meal. But we didn't have too much to be thankful for. We lost a lot of good men this time out.

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